The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
