I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize