i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
