either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
