i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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