You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
