My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How does one acquire holy water?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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