I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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