one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
