dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
