when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
