So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize