If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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