i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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