does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
