C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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