I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
