Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
