i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
