you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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