Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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