I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
