Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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