Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
