Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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