I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
