If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
