from now on my penis is your penis
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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