O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
