We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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