I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
