hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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