i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
