I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
