Define "chronic" masturbator.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
