i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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