did you get engaged???
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
