Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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