im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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