Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize