I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
