I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
