WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize