remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
