She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love having hate sex.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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