At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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