Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
