I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
