I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
