I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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