Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
