i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
