six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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