Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
