Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
