why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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