the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
