My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
