the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize