You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
