oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
