i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
