I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
