she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize