Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
