On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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