my mouth tastes like poor choices
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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