is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize