During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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