Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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