It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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