if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
