spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
