Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
