this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
