dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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