i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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