I could have mohawked her pubes.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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